Eurovision itself was a Twitter-fest, and for the first time I can remember I was stone cold sober for the entire evening. Does it show? Here's how my Twitter feed looked for the night. Just a few hours later, hardly any of it makes any sense whatsoever...
Hev's getting out the pen & paper. We are about to incorrectly predict the #Eurovision voting. Again (Bet we're right about #thehump though)
Nice lighting UK, we illuminate a scuffed floor & have people dressed in black against a black background
Help! This song scares me. It's like a nightmare. And her hair is made of snakes. Make it stop!
Is this the entry from Plan 9 From Outer Space?
He can't see us, everyone flick the V's
Suddenly this song is dragged kicking and screaming into the early 1980s! He can do Stevie Wonder AND Michael jackson
The song you were thinking of was Fantasy by Earth, Wind & Fire
Look, the piano's playing itself. Honest
What's that? A kennel? A pizza oven? Or is someone gonna burst out of it?
It's a cakewalk now. This routine has it all
Steve & Sam
General consensus is we'd all fuck the little one. #russia #eurovision
Russia would have a better chance of winning #eurovision if the little old ladies popped out of eachother. #votebiscuits
Didn't he used to present GMTV? #Iceland #eurovision
The film you're thinking of is Superman II #Iceland #eurovision And it was Terence Stamp
My #eurovision notes already tell me nothing. I appear to have written Meh seven times. (And Eek for Albania)
You don't get paid if you've forgotten the words love #Cyprus #eurovision
Think my brain has melted, I actually like the French entry #eurovision
Glad France haven't cynically gone for the gay vote
#Eurovision
The song you're thinking of is The Boy Does Nothing by Alesha Dixon #Italy #eurovision
It's Amy Housewine! #eurovision #bbceurovision
The song you're thinking of is All By Myself by Eric Carmen #Estonia #eurovision And Without You by Nilsson. And The Power Of Love.
Estonia's Gary Barlow has a killer's eyes.
Or you can do a song in a key you can sing, choice is yours #Azerbaijan #eurovision
Jon Pertwee Dr Who title sequence in the background? Gets my vote #Azerbaijan #eurovision (Only joking, horrible song)
Without the seventh member of the band, this just looks ridiculous #Romania #eurovision
Pretty girl... but somewhere in Romania there is an empty supermarket checkout till and a line of frustrated customers. #eurovision
Hev is trying to say Alanis Morrisette and can't. She has not been drinking. #Denmark #eurovision
Greece next. If Twitter doesn't break I will be ama
It's Claudia Winkleman standing over an air vent #Sweden #eurovision
The video you're thinking of is Hammer Horror by Kate Bush #Sweden #eurovision
The song you're thinking of is If I Was A Rich Man by Topol #Turkey #eurovision
The other song you're thinking of is Stop Stop Stop All Your Dancing by The Hollies #Turkey #eurovision
Is it just me that's noticed this show is quite camp !!
Chord change! We have a contender #Spain #eurovision
Spain are doing The 4 Chords via @AxisofAwesome #eurovision (Google it)
Roman Lob. Best name of the night. Now take that hat off boy, you're indoors #Germany #eurovision
The song you're thinking of is I've Got A Feeling by Black Eyed Peas #Germany #eurovision (Another version of The 4 Chords, no?)
The 4 Chords song by Axis of Awesome http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOlDewpCfZQ Which you keep hearing in #eurovision tonight
It really is the 4 Chords for the 3rd time in a row, isn't it? #Malta #eurovision With a touch of Umbrella-ella-ella
Her name's Calliope? What, like in Blinded By The Light? Let's hope she doesn't crash to the ground, eh pop kids? #Macedonia #eurovision
Oh come on lads, you could at least have dressed up #Ireland #eurovision
Jedward are endearingly inept #eurovision
The song you're thinking of is The Day I Met Marie by Cliff Richard. Played at 33 and a 3rd #Serbia #eurovision
First utterance of the phrase "is that a man or a woman?" of the night #Ukraine #eurovision
Now trending: Cybermen, Buck Rogers, Tin Men, Starlight Express, Doggy Poo and, er, Davina McCall. If you're not watching #eurovision, sorry
The song you're thinking of is Fairytale by Alexander Rybak #Moldova #eurovision
Busby Berkely would have positioned the camera above those dancers gyrating like ninnies on the floor #eurovision
Not sure I understand my #eurovision predictions. 10th: Bob The Builder (Spain), 9th: Tulisa & The Twats (Romania), 8th: Amy Vinohouse (It)>
7th: Nonces in Kilts (Ukraine), 6th: Donald Duck (Denmark), 5th: Claudia Winkleman (Sweden), 4th: Borat in a Boat (Turkey) #eurovision >
3rd Grans (Russia), 2nd Jedward (Jedward), 1st "like that riff" France. So, how wrong will I be? #eurovision
(In the end my No5 prediction, Sweden, won and Jedward, France & Denmark came nowhere)
We are in fits of giggles here at Jedward dancing in background oblivious to the voting #eurovision We are both totally sober
Scott Mills is the first person to make Baku sound like Fuck You. Well done us #eurovision
Somewhere in Greece some children are tinfoiling a school stage "just in case" #eurovision
The way things stand, Jedward are in danger of becoming a laughing stock
#Eurovision
Is the Swedish judge from Finchley? #eurovision That accent
If this was #Pointless Englebert would be just 1 point off the lead #eurovision
...and those were the tweets from the Eurovision jury
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