And here are my Chortle answers. Let's see which, if any, ever make the website.
The Big Ask 2018
The questions... Don't feel you have to answer them all. Each day we'll feature one question and the best answers
Describe the Edinburgh Fringe in 5 words
One damn thing after another
Who have the Edinburgh comedy award judges most heinously overlooked over the years?
Er *cough* hello?
What’s your favourite joke from your show?
My friend had to accept a TV award even though she was really ill. Emmy? No, she just had a bad cold.
Which comedian past or present would perfectly complement you as a double-act partner
Max Wall. Cos then all our responses would be off the... you can finish that gag off yourself
What's the best performance space at the Fringe and why?
You can't beat the open air, especially for Shakespeare. We saw Dannii Minogue doing open air Shakespeare one year, when it was quite windy. The best thing? Couldn't hear a word.
What track do you walk on to and why?
Respect by Aretha Franklin. We've looped the bit that goes "Sock it to me". For obvious reasons.
What's the weirdest Fringe show you've ever seen and why?
Once saw a performance act doing their show in a doorway on the Royal Mile. Had his back turned to the audience then did what can only be described as a wee. Wasn't a big audience, just myself. Quite an influential act though, I've seen tribute versions every year since.
What do you plan to do on your day off?
Only wimps have a day off. We've not had a day off at Edinburgh in the ten years we've been doing this. We're knackered.
What's the worst place you've ever stayed at the Fringe?
One year I stayed in a room at a musician's place where the corridors were lined with a mix of dust bunnies and cat shit, for which he didn't charge any extra, so there was that.
What are your plans once the Fringe is over?
Genuinely we've been booked at do a week of shows in Denmark, on the condition that we do 20 minutes about Brexit. So we'll be writing a new show.
What's the worst room to perform in at the Fringe and why?
There's a doorway on the Royal Mile which is really rubbish if you're on after the bloke who does the wee (I think he's called Lost Bladder Control Guy).
Can you come up with an advertising slogan to get people to the Fringe?
Come to Embra, the month before Septembra
What gets you through Edinburgh's toughest days?
The ability to power snooze. Sometimes back in the flat, sometimes during my fellow performers' shows. For which I apologise in advance.
What's the oddest prop you've bought or had made for a Fringe show?
Looks in this year's prop bag, sees clockwork teeth, rubber Batman, bag of dog poo. Has difficulty conceiving of what's odd any more
Who is the best person you've ever met at Edinburgh?
Benedict Cumberbatch. He stole the Socks. At the bar of the Gilded Balloon he inadvertently started walking off with the bag that had the moist and smelly post-show Sock puppets in, thinking it was his friends. Had a very enjoyable half hour chat with pre-fame "call me Ben".
What's your enduring memory from the first Fringe you ever went to?
It was mind blowingly big, the biggest event I'd ever seen. And given that this was in the 1980s, when the comedy section took up about two pages of the programme, this suggests I had a smaller mind than the kids today.
What's the most you've put into the bucket of a free show and why were you so generous?
Five quid. Too embarrassed to ask for change.
What is the one thing you know now that you wish you'd known before your first Fringe?
The value of a good photograph. Back in the pre selfie days we spent so much time enjoying the moment instead of recording it. Old folk, eh?
What do you think of critics?
Love them, especially that nice Mr Bennett from Chortle. (How many people have given that answer? Dozens? Or just the honest few)
If you could change one thing about the Fringe, what would it be?
Once I'd have said I wish the press would cover a wider range of venues to review their comedy at. Now I'm just grateful there's any press left at all. (But if the Comedy Award and the Guardian spend all their time at The Pleasance again, I will continue to moan about it).
What's the most drunk or otherwise wasted you've ever been at the Fringe?
At these prices? And with the minimum alcohol price in force this year you can expect a record number of boringly sober comedians. The bars are very grateful for all the posh Londoners in rugby shirts who think the bar prices are "pretty reasonable compared to the rest of Scandinavia".
Who is the worst person you've ever met at Edinburgh?
Did I mention Lost Bladder Control Guy? I asked what his show was called. Apparently it was called Fuck Off You Pervy Bastard. That'll be why it wasn't in the programme.
What's the oddest thing you've read in a Fringe review of yourself or others?
One or two reviews have forgotten to put the right number of stars on, the idiots.
Who or what inspired you to get into comedy?
Like so many people, it was bullying at school. I found a torrent of abysmal puns was a brilliant bullying technique.
Has the 'spirit of the Fringe' been lost?
No, that's the Spirit Of St Louis you're thinking of. And it wasn't lost, it was Lindbergh's baby that was lost. And Amelia Earhart. And Flight 19. But not the Spirit Of The Fringe, I'm happy to say.
Who is the unsung hero of the Fringe and why?
It's a toss up between Yehudi Menuhin and David Frost. Menuhin attempted to stage the first Free Fringe shows in the 1950s as a spin off from the Official Festival, and David Frost staged the first late night cabarets with TV names in the 1960s, and attracted the TV. (I've read a bit too much about the history of the Fringe, sorry.)
What's the oddest thing you've found in your bucket at the end of a free show?
Never done a free show.
What's the worst Fringe review you ever had?
A one star review of my old show The Sitcom Trials. "I'd have happily gouged my own eyes with hot spoons rather than endure another moment." We put that up outside the box office, it doubled the audience from then on. Who wouldn't want to see that show?
The Award Winning* Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre are Superheroes at The Gilded Balloon at the Edinburgh Fringe from August 1st to 26th - ON SALE NOW!
*Winners of the Bath Comedy Festival Lovehoney Best Joke Award 2018
Previews:
*Winners of the Bath Comedy Festival Lovehoney Best Joke Award 2018
Previews:
June 20 - Ludlow Fringe
July 11 - Neath Comedy Festival
July 19 - Bedford Fringe
July 29 - Derby Bar One
July 29 - Sheffield New Barrack Tavern
July 29 - Derby Bar One
July 29 - Sheffield New Barrack Tavern
- with more preview dates to be announced
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