Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Have Socks Will Travel - the tour continues


The 2017 Socks Do Shakespeare tour rolls on, with some great gigs taking place in a variety of interesting venues. Here we see the Socks set up below a parachute. No, me neither. I think it's the soundproofing. This was Stroud Subscription Rooms, where the audience was smaller than some gigs, but a good and appreciative bunch.




And this was a tent, in the grounds of Chiddingstone Castle, in front of an audience of mostly kids. Our first attempt at doing a family friendly Shakespeare show, and by golly we did it. F*** Up Some Shakespeare was the only song we had to drop, and the Equivocator sketch and When We Met needed a bit of trimming, but the rest of the show's perfectly suitable for kids (though it probably takes the parents there to get most of the references). I could be minded to develop a schools version of the show if I thought there was a market.


Talking of marketing, here's the sales graph for the tour, and it's looking rather good. If it wasn't for that plunge in the graph which is our show at the Bill Murray in Islington (fingers crossed we do better than that when we return there for two nights at the Camden Fringe in August), we'd be looking at a record breaking successful tour to date. The two peaks are Aberystwyth and Bath, where we were returning for the third or fourth time apiece and have built a good audience, almost doubling the guarantee at the Rondo in Bath. Satisfying but not astounding are the two-nighters at Leicester and Glasgow (where I've averaged out the two nights every time, and where we do way better than most shows of our size, festivals being an odd business). Very pleasing is Frome, which was a doorsplit only, our first time in town, and did very well indeed. Taking a gamble on doorsplits has meant we slipped below our guarantee in Swindon and Stroud, but not too badly. All good paying gigs, and leaving in our wake a lot of satisfied happy punters. And, as I am reminded by the Chiddingtone Festival gig where I charged less for a 2 and a half hour art class than for a 45 minute show, it pays the best per-minute of anything else I do.


One thing I've missed off the graph is any costs. Never mind the travel costs, which if I billed them at 45p a mile might wipe out a couple of these shows and would put the Bill Murray into minus figures, there are also a few other costs. Leicester & Glasgow Comedy Festivals had listing costs, Leicester's being higher than Glasgow's. But they're dwarfed by the cost of next week's Brighton Fringe gigs which, with a listing fee of £240 and a hotel cost which I daren't even remind myself of, means we need to have a near sellout for both shows to break even. As Spinal Tap's manager might say, in some towns our audience might be coming more selective.







2017 TOUR
May 13 (4.30pm) & May 14 (5.30pm) Komedia Brighton
May 19 - Carriageworks Leeds
May 26 - Aberdeen May Fest
June 2 - Eden Ct Inverness
June 15 - Crescent Arts, Belfast
June 20 - Grassington Festival, Yorks
June 23 - Hertford Comedy Festival
June 24 - Ludlow Fringe
August 15 - 17 Camden Fringe

15 Original Ideas from Doctor Who

Has Doctor Who run out of ideas? With the current series featuring lots of things you can't help thinking you've seen before (nanobots, wooden people, a beast below etc), I've racked my brain to find why I've been so impressed by Doctor Who back in the past (just thinking of the last 12 years). Was it just because it was a novelty, or was it really that stuffed full of original ideas I'd never seen in Doctor Who, or anywhere, before? So here, as a hint for the new showrunner Chris Chibnall as to the sort of originality I'd like to see again, is a Top 15 of things from Doctor Who that have made me say "I've never seen that before" or "Wow, why didn't I think of that?"


Tardis parked the wrong way round (Fear Her)

A small thing, but a redeeming feature of a much-derided episode. The Doctor parks the Tardis between two skips, the wrong way round, so he can't open the door. So he has to dematerialise and rematerialise the right way round. Come on, had you thought of that idea first?


Went away for 12 hours, came back 12 months later (Aliens Of London)

The Doctor had been time-travelling for over 40 telly years before this simple but brilliant thing happened. Then we got the whole emotional mudslide of how this would affect a real family - a Mum, a daughter and a boyfriend - when something like this happens. Where else had you seen that done, back in 2005? 


Tardis surrounds things (Parting Of The Ways, Dinosaur on a Spaceship, Knock Knock)

It's a multi-dimensional ship, why can't some things appear inside it? Of course they can. It started dramatically in Christopher Eccleston's Parting Of The Ways ("Is that all you've got? Nul points"), and is done most amusingly in Dinosaurs On A Spaceship (by Chris Chibnall, which bodes well for the new showrunner, it being him), and again nicely in Knock Knock.




Doctor becomes a human (Human Nature)

I could just as easily find this contrived and unconvincing, but it was so expertly carried out in a brilliant fully-realised story, that it remains an immaculate and original Time Lord trope. They can "become human" and keep their real self in a pocket watch. Hmm, it sounds really hokey when you say it out loud. Well at least they didn't use the same trick a few episodes later, then totally forget about it forever after.


Tardis comes to life (The Doctor's Wife)

Although it includes my least favourite trope, having "The Doctor" in the title of an episode, it's the definitive example of something that every Doctor Who writer has: the Doctor Who idea they've been keeping on the back burner since they were a teenager. What if the Tardis, who we've heard referred to as female and with some sort of character (especially by Paul McGann in the TV movie), was actually made into a real-live female character? They got away with it.


Alien's name isn't a race, it's a family (Aliens of London)

Genius. From every sci fi film you'd ever seen, Star Trek very much included, every alien race were the sole representatives of their planet. The planet Vulcan was occupied entirely by Vulcans, etc. Amazingly their authors were humans, who live on the planet Earth, where not only does every country have different nationalities, but every small town therein has different groups with different surnames. So, amazingly, it took until 2005 for us to get the Slitheen family, who lived on the planet Raxicoricofallipatorius. (An original idea by Paul Cornell, borrowed by Russell T Davies.)


Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey (Girl In The Fireplace onwards, River Song)

Between Doctor Who ending (in 1989) and reappearing (in 2005), we had Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, the movie that invented wibbly wobbly timey wimey, and The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. Unless anyone can prove otherwise, Bill & Ted was the first place to posit the notion that you could plan to do something when you time-travelled to the past or future, then turn out to have already done it. They did it, I believe, with a bucket of water balanced on the top of a door. Steven Moffatt went on to do it by having River Song jump off a building and be caught by the Tardis, and land in the swimming pool, in The Impossible Astronaut. Along the way, most famously, we've had The Doctor send messages to someone in the future on video tapes, and in Girl In The Fireplace leap through a mirror on a horse thus travelling from a 51st century spaceship to an 18th century chateau, and it all made logical sense. You may argue that Back To The Future created this trope, but Doctor Who very much owned it. Then, to an extent, wore it out. As for characters who meet each other at different points in their individual timelines, Audrey Niffenegger got the jump on Steven Moffat by having the idea first, but by God Moffat went on to milk it every which way. We also got 6 year old Amelia and 20 something Amy appearing together, which was nifty. 




Original story telling / The Doctor-lite episode (Love & Monsters)

Just before box-set TV on Netflix and the like was inventing the Bottle Episode (see TV Tropes) Doctor Who was one of the shows getting away from linear, chronological storytelling, to construct episodes in a different way. From Rose's voice over in Father's Day through Doomsday, we were playing with the way an episode was told. The Doctor-lite episode, including Turn Left, was an opportunity to do this. Say what you like about Doctor Who's most Marmite episode, Love & Monsters, but it was the most unusual and un-Doctor Who-like episode you'd ever seen.  NB The Doctor-free episode had been done, slightly, 50 years ago with the William Hartnell free episode Mission To The Unknown. Slightly.
  

Musical interlude (Last Of The Timelords)

The Master pushes The Doctor around in a wheelchair, miming to Scissor Sisters? So surreal and original it gets edited out of the Netflix version of the episode. That original.


Tardis Translation (Fires of Pompeii)

The Tardis translates everything. So what if you're in Ancient Rome and you speak Latin? I won't spoil it for you, but the answer is brilliant.


Virtual Reality (Silence in the Library)

This is one of those tropes that's now so overused you never know whether you're in an alternative reality, a dream, a simulation or what. Remember Sleep No More? No. Nobody does. And I bet they can't remember whether it was real or not if they do. But the virtual world of Silence, and the ghost voices of its characters stored in some uploaded fashion, remain the most highly original people-stored-in-computers I've seen to date. Having a virtual Amy for half a series wasn't so pleasing for me, but you can't deny it too was a first.


Companion goes back to see her dead Dad, changes time (Father's Day)

This must be the oldest "What If" storyline of all time, but outside of Christmas Carol and It's A Wonderful Life, I don't remember it being done as well as this. You go back to see the Dad who died when you were a baby - already the most touching pitch you've ever heard - then it goes wrong in a brilliantly sci-fi way, and gets solved in an almost Biblically sacrificial denoument. Blimey, this is a really good story isn't it?


Live action in real time (Midnight)

How many episodes happen in real time like this? 42 did, written by Chibnall (boding well again blah blah), but Midnight is the best. No trickery, it's almost a stage play, with an unseen menace and some Tom Stoppardian dialogue. If another show has done an episode like this, I've not seen it.


Shrunken Tardis (Flatline)

It is multi-dimensional, so obviously at some time it'll shrink. Giving us an Addams Family moment where a hand moves the Tardis along by finger power only. A truly brilliant visual image that you can't imagine no-one else had thought of before, but Jamie Mathieson got in there first. (Again, it had been done in the old series, in The Time Monster with John Pertwee and Logopolis with Tom Baker, but not as well as this).


Time Lords can change sex & ethnicity (Doctor's Wife, Hell Bent)

Of course they can. Why would anyone ever think you could turn into a different actor, for practical TV-making reasons, and that actor not be ABSOLUTELY ANYONE! You've made up a silly, nonsense, random way of extending the life of your TV show, why would there be any restriction on what nature of person takes up the role? The 1960s, we're a bit racist and sexist, obviously. The 1970s, we're still a bit racist and sexist and, let's face it, it would be odd for a black Doctor to be in the show that is followed by The Black & White Minstrel Show. The 1980s, obviously we can't be too hasty about these things, after all we already have Juliet Bravo and Lenny Henry. The 1990s, there's no Doctor Who so we needn't think about it. The 2000s, we're reviving a show from the 1960s, so baby steps to begin with. Bringing us to the 2010s, when Time Lords can change sex & race. Which, of course, they always could. 



So there you have 15 or so Doctor Who moments of brilliance and originality. All we ask of for this level of originality every single week and we'll all be happy. Is that too much to ask?



2017 TOUR
May 5 - Artrix Bromsgrove
May 6 - Stafford Gatehouse

May 12 - Croydon Spread Eagle
May 13 (4.30pm) & May 14 (5.30pm) Komedia Brighton
May 19 - Carriageworks Leeds
May 26 - Aberdeen May Fest
June 2 - Eden Ct Inverness
June 15 - Crescent Arts, Belfast
June 20 - Grassington Festival, Yorks
June 23 - Hertford Comedy Festival
June 24 - Ludlow Fringe
August 15 - 17 Camden Fringe



Comic Art Masterclasses coming up in 2017:


Kev F Sutherland, as well as writing and drawing for The Beano, Marvel, Doctor Who et al, runs Comic Art Masterclasses in schools, libraries and art centres - email for details, and follow him on Facebook and Twitter. View the promo video here.

Saturday, 6 May 2017

Stately homes, Liverpool, Triceratops - travels with my art


It's been a while since I updated the travel diary, so where have I been since last we spoke? Well, somewhere with a concrete Triceratops, obviously. That would be Milton Keynes, where I did two days in schools for the MK50 project, of which more soon (if I manage to get up to date with my diary ever).


So, did I mention filming How To Draw Sessions for The Beano at their offices on Fleet Street? That was back in April, as were the Socks gigs in Swindon, Stroud, Frome and Perth, all 90 minute shows with good sized audiences and a lovely reception all round. Why some of them even Tweet sock-selfies afterwards (I've taken to giving them time to do this after the show if I can). These three are courtesy of Chris Moos, Fiona Reay, and ivegotamuon, all on Twitter.


And then we stayed in a stately home. No biggie. I was invited to the Chiddingstone Literary Festival where, rubbing shoulders with the like of the Reverend Richard Coles & Decca Aitkenhead from the Guardian, I did a Comic Art Masterclass in the castle, then a family-friendly Socks Do Shakespeare show (a first) in a marquee in the grounds. Both went swimmingly. But before that, the night before, we were put up in Stonewall Park. was it a guest house? A private house? We had no idea before we arrived. Turns out it's a massive stately home, and our hosts Rupert & Catherine are only the blooming executors of the Ian Fleming Estate and are in control of who gets to write James Bond books and make the movies. They were lovely and we had a smashing time chatting over supper & breakfast.


In contrast to which, 2 nights later, we found ourselves staying in a converted warehouse in Liverpool's Stanley Dock (the rather swish & stylish Titanic Hotel, don't cha know) and taking a lovely stroll along Liverpool's waterfront, prior to me doing a day in school in Wallasey on the Wirral.


Then came a little bit of panic when my phone (iPhone 5S which I've had for 3 years) went totally dead. Slabbed. Working fine one second, then just before morning break in school, I have no phone. And it won't turn back on no matter what I do with button-pressing and charging. So how am I to contact Heather, who is out and about in the galleries of Liverpool, and agree where and when to meet? Do I know her phone number? Of course I don't, it's in my phone. Have I written it down anywhere? Of course I haven't, I've never needed to, it's always been in my phone! Luckily, with my laptop and the school wifi, I'm able to find her number and, thanks to a helpful teacher, text her and agree our rendezvous.

Our rendezvous is only made slightly harder by the vagiaries of satnav. Hev gives me the postcode of the CostCo car park where we'll meet. I drive through the Mersey Tunnel to get to her. Then Sat Nav directs me round one one-way system, round another. And suddenly, to my horror, I'm going back through the Mersey Tunnel I just came down! I do a U turn at the end and come back through the Mersey Tunnel again! At £2 a pop (if you don't have exact change) I've spent £8 on the bloody Mersey tunnel in one day - 6 quid of it in the last 10 minutes!



 The problem, you see, is that the Cost Co car park is directly beside the big air vent building that is directly on top of the Mersey Tunnel, and Sat Nav can't tell one level from the other. So it took me to the right location, just 20 feet too far below ground. The idiot. We got home eventually, but suffice to say it was one of the most shouty times my new car has experienced.

The next day I got a new phone. The good news is that it's a free upgrade, so it's cost me nothing and I carry on paying the same every month to use it (it's an iPhone 6S). The less good news is the fun with passwords and signing-in which (thanks largely to my old virgin.net email having gone defunct last year, but being my default email when I bought the phone 3 years ago) I had to spend most of Thursday getting everything to work. The terrifying experience of seeing all of your Notes suddenly vanish - from your laptop - and not be returned until you could get the right password to be recognised, is not fun. Future Shock they used to call it, and I very much don't like it.


The other thing I don't like is that all my music has vanished from my phone, and I can't get it back on there. iTunes needs a new version, which my laptop doesn't have. So I need to update my laptop at some expense to get my phone to do what it used to do two days ago. Worse, you can't upload music to "iCloud", because almost all of my music is classed as "ineligible". I'm still finding out more of this horror story. But it would seem that Apple are not allowing you to use music from your CDs or, more significantly in my case, music you've made yourself, on your iPhone. How does that help anyone?

Anyhoo, lots of fun with travels, coupled with horror with technology. And in the midst of that there were local elections (not in our area) which suggest my General Election predictions of last month couldn't be wider of the mark if I'd tried. Onwards and upwards.



2017 TOUR
May 5 - Artrix Bromsgrove
May 6 - Stafford Gatehouse

May 12 - Croydon Spread Eagle
May 13 (4.30pm) & May 14 (5.30pm) Komedia Brighton
May 19 - Carriageworks Leeds
May 26 - Aberdeen May Fest
June 2 - Eden Ct Inverness
June 15 - Crescent Arts, Belfast
June 20 - Grassington Festival, Yorks
June 23 - Hertford Comedy Festival
June 24 - Ludlow Fringe
August 15 - 17 Camden Fringe



Comic Art Masterclasses coming up in 2017:


Kev F Sutherland, as well as writing and drawing for The Beano, Marvel, Doctor Who et al, runs Comic Art Masterclasses in schools, libraries and art centres - email for details, and follow him on Facebook and Twitter. View the promo video here.

Friday, 5 May 2017

In praise of Nul Points by Tim Moore

https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Nul-Points-Tim-Moore/0099492970

Appropriately, in the run up to Eurovision, I've just read a cracking book called Nul Points by Tim Moore, in which he tracks down the people who've scored zero in the contest over the last 40 years.

I say 40 years, the book's actually 10 years old (from 2006) but still timely, and will definitely change the way I see Eurovision from now on.

He starts off, like me, having grown up in the British tradition of laughing at Eurovision, loving Terry Wogan's taking down of every ludicrous-looking and hopeless-sounding novelty act and desperate wannabe from the world of Light Entertainment, that we and our European neighbours wheeled into the line of fire. And, like me, Tim's watched no end of retrospective shows where the losers, and particularly the Nul-Pointers, are the subject of mockery, ridicule and a fair bit of schadenfreude.



Then he uses his journalistic skills to trace them and, where possible to interview them. The insights this gives us is fascinating, both into the countries from which the losing songs have come - Norway figuring heavily, journeys taking him from Turkey to Lithuania and even to Thailand, and the UK taking the most recent place in the list with 2003's Jemini - and of course into the people.

The degree to which Eurovision matters to competing countries is something we Brits fail to comprehend. Because we had the Beatles and led the way with pop music through the 60s and 70s, we always held the music of Eurovision as second rate. And because we're this old imperial nation with a confidence of our place in the world, and a feeling that everyone can speak our language so we needn't bother, we've never seen Eurovision as a showcase where we can show off the best of ourselves to our neighbours in a display of mutual respect. Other countries do.



The Scandinavians, who pride themselves in their musical tradition and how they've punched above their weight in exporting music to the world, can point to Abba as the shining example of what it's all about. Serious songwriters and musicians take this contest seriously. Winning it makes a significant difference to your career in those markets. On the other hand up-and-coming, or overlooked, countries like Turkey, Lithuania or even Portugal, pin a lot of importance on being taken seriously because of the effort they're making. So when they lose it hurts, and some countries' media have really taken it out on their nil-pointers.

But it's knowing how getting nul points in Eurovision affected the lives of the participants that alters your view of the show. Who ever stopped to think that these were real people? That they didn't go out there to get laughed at by Tel, and that when they come home to countries that had put so much faith in them, it really can turn tragic for them.

Poor Finn Kalvik. If I remember three names from this book it'll be Jahn Teigen, Finn Kalvik, and Gunvor. Gunvor, at first because her name so obviously and confusingly looks like guvnor that you have to mentally readjust it every time you read it, but mostly because hers is the most genuinely tragic story. What that poor kid was going through as she mounted that stage, and what was waiting for her after she left, are a movie in the making.



Jahn Teigen, in contrast, is the first entry in the book, having scored the first nil-point score (under the modern scoring system we still use) in 1978, and is very much a hero of Eurovision. The elder statesman of the nil-pointers, he'd had a career before he was in the contest - he was even, he says, asked to replace Peter Gabriel in Genesis but declined - and has had a career since. He's the one whose clip gets shown most often, wearing shades and red braces, and doing a high kick as he sings Mil Etter Mil and loses to Israel. He's even re-entered Eurovision a number of times, which takes some doing.

But Finn Kalvik. I don't want to spoil this book for you, because it's a highly entertaining read, all the moreso for not knowing what twists and turns lie ahead. Will Tim Moore get his interview? Will the interview end up as promisingly as it started? Or will it go All Finn Kalvik?

Finn Kalvik, you see, suffered one of the worst ignominies you can. He became a National Joke. Courtesy of a comedy show on Norwegian TV, with a regular sketch called the Finn Kalvik News (the joke being that no-one had heard of Finn Kalvik for years) he became remembered for not being remembered, and when you remembered him it was for getting nul points. Suffice it to say he is one bitter old man now and his spectre haunts every subsequent interview Tim manages to arrange.



It's significant that the only act who really come across as if their nil points result was water off a duck's back is Jemini, the Liverpudlian pair from 2003 who'd grown up knowing Eurovision was a joke, and took its inevitable outcome - in the year Tony Blair took us into Iraq, and suffering a cataclysmic technical cock-up which ended up with one of them singing hopelessly out of tune - as just a bit of fun. Ten years later they get to appear on reality shows and Pointless on the strength of it, so it's a lose-win situation.

So allow me to recommend this enjoyable travel-book cum light-entertainment history, which works also as an interesting slice of sociology. I picked it up at the £2 book shop on Park St in Bristol, I'm sure it's just as cheap on Amazon. And let's look forward to the forthcoming Eurovision finals a little wiser and more sympathetic than before. (Though it will remain hard not to laugh, won't it?)



2017 TOUR
May 5 - Artrix Bromsgrove
May 6 - Stafford Gatehouse

May 12 - Croydon Spread Eagle
May 13 (4.30pm) & May 14 (5.30pm) Komedia Brighton
May 19 - Carriageworks Leeds
May 26 - Aberdeen May Fest
June 2 - Eden Ct Inverness
June 15 - Crescent Arts, Belfast
June 20 - Grassington Festival, Yorks
June 23 - Hertford Comedy Festival
June 24 - Ludlow Fringe
August 15 - 17 Camden Fringe





Comic Art Masterclasses coming up in 2017:
Kev F Sutherland, as well as writing and drawing for The Beano, Marvel, Doctor Who et al, runs Comic Art Masterclasses in schools, libraries and art centres - email for details, and follow him on Facebook and Twitter. View the promo video here.

Thursday, 4 May 2017

Cuffy The Hamster Slayer - new comics by kids


My Comic Art Masterclasses this month so far have taken me to some quite amazing locations. Hev & I have slept in a stately home and in a converted warehouse by Liverpool docks, and we've discovered a hidden village deep within Milton Keynes. And along the way I've done a string of classes with some great kids. The examples above are from Milton Keynes (the wartime home of Alan Chewstring, get it?) and Chiddingstone in Kent (they have a big stone where people used to get chided. And a castle, which was where the class was held.)


Milton Keynes turns out to have a number of ancient villages hidden behind its rather faceless bypasses, and we discovered Woughton On The Green while doing two days of classes there. The comics I'm producing with the pupils there are for the MK50 project, celebrating the 50th anniversary of the New Town, and also the fact that everyone there is, essentially, an immigrant. I'll be collecting the kids' work up into a printed item, like we did for Magna Carta in Lincoln and Barking a couple of years back. It's shaping up well, with one more day of classes to come.




Atomic Nans turns out to be the actual name of a group formed by some of the year fives I was working with at St Albans primary in Wallasey. The drummer doesn't have any actual drums yet, and they've not actually performed or recorded anything. Which is exactly how my school band - Walter Tottle - began life. We got together, a half dozen of us or more, in what must have been year five, to mime to records by The Monkees and the Partridge Family. The nearest we had to any instruments was a cardboard guitar that I made for myself. (It had 5 strings, I recall. Well who knew?). And Banger Lloyd's drums consisted of cardboard boxes and a would-be cymbal made from the lid of a tin of shoe polish. Amazing how we never made it big.


The celebrities these groups chose for my demonstration strip were Drake, Rag & Bone Man, Ronaldo, David Walliams and, to my initial delight, Albert Einstein - twice! It turns out they hadn't all suddenly got interested in the General Theory Of Relativity. Einstein is one of the big giant heads featured in the TV show Big Heads, presented by Jason Manford. Sigh.





Comic Art Masterclasses coming up in 2017

Kev F Sutherland, as well as writing and drawing for The Beano, Marvel, Doctor Who et al, runs Comic Art Masterclasses in schools, libraries and art centres - email for details, and follow him on Facebook and Twitter. View the promo video here

...or I could just send you an invoice

When I do a job of work, be it a gig, or a class, or a piece of writing or artwork, there is a simple and straightforward way of getting paid. I send an invoice - once up a time by mail, now by email - and the client sends me the money - once upon a time by cheque, now mostly by BACS. It's a system that's worked fine for all the many years I've operated as a freelance.

Now one client, for whom I am doing a one-off piece of work on one day later this month, has found a way of simplifying things. I've received this by email...

Welcome to the University of Xxxxxxxx Marketplace! (sic)

This e-mail has been sent to you on behalf of the University which is currently one of your customers. They would like to begin submitting electronic orders to you and this e-mail is to confirm that you are now registered, and will shortly be receiving orders from them by email, via the University of Xxxxxxxx Marketplace.

Background

The University of Xxxxxxxx Marketplace is a powerful, tried, tested and secure platform for e-commerce and e-procurement, built specifically for public sector bodies to buy goods and services online. Please note that there is NO CHARGE to you to receive e-orders from the University of Xxxxxxxx Marketplace.



A step by step guide on how to log into University of Xxxxxxxx Parabilis Marketplace is available at http://link

Important Next step

Please use this link to create or reset your password: https://idea.egsgroup.com/idea/useradmin/password_setup.jspXxxxxxxx

Please note, for security reasons this URL will expire on Fri, 5 May 2017 04:30:37 BST

To log into the system, please use your User ID shown below and your password:

User ID: Xxxxxxxx

How to use the Interface

Responding to orders and requests through the University of Xxxxxxxx Marketplace is simple, convenient and secure. The manual "A step by step guide to the University of Xxxxxxxx Marketplace" provides a quick overview of how to use the supplier interface.

We recommend that where possible suppliers should respond using the University of Xxxxxxxx Marketplace online interface since this helps the University to track the status of orders and requests. However, in case you have a problem accessing the Internet, full details of the order and the buyer’s contact number are also listed on the notification email beneath the hyperlink. This ensures that you will always be able to respond by email or telephone.


Or I could just send you an invoice?


Saturday, 29 April 2017

My hotel reviews


The kettle in this hotel room turns out to be an IQ test to wheedle out the less observant guests. I turned it on, it wouldn't boil. I went to the desk downstairs and told them it was broken. When I returned they said they'd sorted it and, indeed, in my absence, it had been boiled. So I turned it on again (double checking it was switched on at the plug), but nothing. After half an hour waiting and swearing - and googling "which is on and off?" out of O and I (I know now) I got it to work. Can you spot the hidden secret I'd missed?* #firstworldproblems #toomuchtimeinhotelrooms *Answer at foot of blog

I've just found the page on Booking.com that shows all the hotel reviews I've left. Is it bad to be making myself laugh? It's the titles I've given the reviews...

“Nespresso machine? Really?” - Alnwick
“Woke up to find Trump was President - not hotel's fault” - Haydock
“Wednesday is Bike Night” - Market Rasen



“Apart from the fire alarm, the grudging free wifi, the breakfast problem, the room key thing...” - Manchester
“You can get enough of that scrambled egg” - Leeds


“Don't miss the village across the canal - and the concrete Triceratops” - Milton Keynes
“Nifty spiral staircase” - Ipswich
“We had to put a sock on the bedside lights” - Brighton
“It's a blooming windmill! (With all-night salsa downstairs)” - Lincoln
“Room 18: Bus Stop View” - Hampstead
“Two nights for £79? How do they make any money?” - Glasgow
“TV choice from the 90s, decor from the 70s. A certain decayed charm.” - Hampstead
“If you're a wimp who doesn't fancy camping at Latitude...” - Lowestoft



“How long a smell of smoke can linger” - Hampstead
“Apart from lack of BBC Four on the telly, they had it all” - Ipswich
“It'll be good when it's finished.” - Doncaster
“Thin walls, disappeared car park” - Aberyswyth
“Check out the ancient barn. Used to be a stud farm, don't you know.” - Crawley
“I got the bridal suite!” - Darlington



Comic Art Masterclasses coming up in 2017:

Kev F Sutherland, as well as writing and drawing for The Beano, Marvel, Doctor Who et al, runs Comic Art Masterclasses in schools, libraries and art centres - email for details, and follow him on Facebook and Twitter. View the promo video here

*Answer: The grey patch on the handle is also a switch. It stays flush to the handle, whether pressed or not.
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