This week's Dennis story features the second appearance in the past month of Bear Grylls, who's clearly a reader's favourite. This would explain why my own Bear Grylls parody - the Little Plum episode Bare Girrls - didn't see the light of day. So here, for your delight and delectation, is that undrawn script in its entirety. Enjoy.
LITTLE PLUM – BARE GIRRLS Kev F Sutherland 1pp
1 PLUM is walking through driving snow, pulling a skimpy bearskin around him to keep warm. He is about to trip over a lump in the snow in front of him
PLUM WE GET THE WORST SNOW HERE ON THE PRARIE! GOT TO GET HOME BEFORE I FREEZE!
2 PLUM goes flying as he trips over a lump in the snow. A pair of eyes emerge from the lump and it speaks
PLUM WOAH- OOPS!
LUMP HERE, WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING!
3 Lying in the snow PLUM is face to face with the man under the lump. He is BARE GIRRLS (obviously based on Bear Grylls) an explorer type with ropes round his shoulder, an Indiana Jones hat, and a backpack pull of pickaxes, davy lamp and the like (we’ll see these in later picture, not necessarily this one).
PLUM A TALKING ROCK? OH GOODY, I’VE GOT HYPOTHERMIA!
BARE DO YOU MIND, I WAS SHELTERING FROM THE STORM IN MY IMPROVISED SNOW HOLE.
4 BARE springs from the hole and strikes a dramatic pose, PLUM huddles against the snow
BARE FOR I AM BARE GIRRLS - ADVENTURIST & SURVIVALISER! I CAN SURVIVE ANYWHERE!
PLUM OK, MAN-FROM-CITY-WITH-NUTTY-NAME, COME TO OUR NICE WARM CAMP.
5 BARE defiantly builds an igloo on the spot
BARE I NEED NO WEEDY TENTS AND FIRES! LOOK HOW I BUILD AN IGLOO WITH MY BARE HANDS! NATURE DOES NOT SCARE ME!
6 PLUM looks at him quizzically, BARE is big and boastful
PLUM OH YEAH? WE’VE GOT SOME WELL FIERCE WILDLIFE
BARE WOULDN’T BOTHER ME
PLUM 2 AND TERRIFYING TERRAIN
BARE 2 I LAUGH AT TERRIFYING TERRAIN
PLUM 3 MY MUM’S COOKING?
BARE 3 BRING IT ON!
7 In a mega challenge, BARE is dangling from a rocky peak, with snakes round his legs, spider running up him, vultures circling, and he is taking a bite out of an unappetizing looking pie. PLUM and the WARRIORS look on impressed and applaud.
BARE SEE HOW THE MIGHTY BARE GIRRLS CONQUERS YOUR DAUNTING MOUNTAINS AND YOUR MOST FEROCIOUS BEASTIES –
BARE 2 - AND MANAGES TO SWALLOW, AND KEEP DOWN, ONE OF PLUM’S MUM’S BUFFALO PIES!
FX CLAP CLAP CLAP
8 Having come down from the mountain, BARE brushes off the last insects.
BARE THAT’S RIGHT, I’M THAT BRILLIANT. SO, WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS?
PLUM CAMERAS? WE DON’T HAVE CAMERAS!
9 BARE shrieks in horror
BARE WHAT? NO CAMERAS? NO TV SHOW? NOT EVEN ANY INTERNET? YOU MEAN THE WORLD’S NOT WATCHING ME BEING ALL BRAVE AND SURVIVALLY?
PLUM ‘FRAID NOT
10 BARE runs off crying. PLUM looks to the camera and whirls his finger around his temple, the universal ‘nutter’ signal
BARE THEN WHAT’S THE POINT??? BOO HOO ! MUMMY!!
PLUM THESE CITY FOLK ARE CRAZY!
As well as writing Bananaman and drawing Pansy Potter in The Beano, Kev F Sutherland has worked for everyone from Marvel to Doctor Who & most points inbetween, and runs Comic Art Masterclasses in schools, libraries and art centres - email for details, and follow him on Facebook and Twitter. He's been writing and drawing comics for 25 years, he must know something.