Monday 20 December 2021

A rant about Love, Actually

 This. 100% This.

(Pink News on Love Actually)

I watched Love Actually for the first time last night. My god it is a horrible movie. The article below sums up some of the horror, better than I could. It's such a white, male, unironic exploitative wankfest it's almost unbelievable!
Hugh Grant plays a sympathetic Bill Clinton. Liam Neeson plays Hugh Grant. Colin Firth plays Hugh Grant. Alan Rickman plays a slightly older Hugh Grant. And Bill Nighy plays Hugh Grant looking like Hugh Grant looks nowadays. Every one of them an entitled creep. One of them (Liam Hugh Grant Neeson) even teaches his son how to be an entitled creep. And the bloke out of The Walking Dead, also doing a Hugh Grant now I think about it, is the creepiest of all, breaking up his best mate's marriage then sodding off.
The only women with a storyline are Emma Thompson, who ends up getting screwed over and unhappy; Laura Linney, who ends up getting screwed over and unhappy; and the creepy woman in the office who gets a necklace and an unresolved storyline. And what's with all the women's clothes falling off, including Stacey out of Gavin & Stacey, but him out of The Office & Bill Nighy - and the silent bloke from Laura Linney's office, get to cover their willies?
And I forgot about the Kris Marshall-as-Hugh-Grant storyline. I thought that was bound to be a dream sequence. But no, it was Richard Curtis's teenage wet dream simply made real. What?
What's most inexplicable is that people express to like this film, to even love it actually, and that most of those people appear to be women. How? Why?
Does anyone have anything to say in the defence of this atrocious film?
PS: Die Hard is 100 times more Christmassy than Love Actually. Fact.


When I posted the above on Facebook I got nearly 150 replies:

    • Felicity Harper
      It's a good film exactly because of all that. It doesn't need to be ironic to get its point across - the women ALL have a stroyline - the men are just vehicles to show those storylines.
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      • Kev Sutherland
        Hang on, are you being ironic now? I find it so hard to keep up.
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      • Felicity Harper
        Kev Sutherland No, absolutely not. I can't bear the film, but it IS a good film: it shpws women being exploited by men who think the world revolves around them. Also, it's nonsense to decry a film because it is white and straight - it was made when it … 
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    • Benjamin Francis Elliott
      I think it has what many women want in a romance novel movie in the early 2000s.
      Hugh Grant
      All men acting like Hugh Grant, but in way that you think you can change them… 
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      • Kev Sutherland
        This film was made, of course, 8 years after Hugh Grant's fall from grace with a hooker in LA, and 8 years before Operation Yewtree and #MeToo. The high nipple count dates it as much as the posh bloke privilege.
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      • James Matthews
        Kev- I’m trying understand you, but the more I read, the harder it gets! So, you’re offended by women’s nipples?
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    • Sean Brightman
      The one redeeming feature of that film is that it features British Soul Singer Lyndon David Hall, before his untimely death from cancer.
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    • Steve Day
      Junior Simpson is in it, that's its one redeeming feature.
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    • Roger Poulter
      Is there something about Monday morning, this is the second rant I’ve heard from a comedian friend. You might like this Lin Smith😭😭😭
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    • Frank Plowright
      Very pleased to read this, as Lynn keeps telling me she thinls I'd enjoy it, whereas I'm convinced I wouldn't.
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      • Eli Winter
        Frank Plowright I had been told off by various girlfriends about not watching it for years and finally did bother due to peer pressure, a couple of years ago. 2 hours of my life I'll never get back (I suggest you don't waste your time either - hold you… 
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      • Glenn Miller
        Frank Plowright I saw this shortly after it came out with a GF at the time, the same one who dragged me to 4 hours of David Icke at the Brixton Academy. She wanted to walk halfway through the film. It was that bad.
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    • Dan Evans
      Re the article, The woman in the office can hardly be described as ‘creepy’.
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      • Kev Sutherland
        We were calling her creepy as we were watching it. She does a "gaping legs" mime as she's coming onto him. How uncreepy is that?
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      • Kev Sutherland
        Listen to her lines again, but this time they're read by Dawn French, being seductive. There. That's what we heard.
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    • Dan Evans
      I hardly think Hugh Grant is being Bill Clinton either. He’s implausibly sexless until him and Martine find a genuine connection. Bill was highly sexed and predatory by most accounts…
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      • Kev Sutherland
        And Martina wasn't doing a Monica. And my arse plays the banjo. 🙂
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      • Dan Evans
        Kev Sutherland that story was totally implausible but I think your reasoning is very flawed on this. As I say I didn’t buy it but it was clearly a ‘love’ story
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    • Jem Roberts
      Die Hard is still shit things-go-bang action for boys with tiny willies though.
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      • Kev Sutherland
        It's Chriiiiiiiiistmas! No, wait, that's Slade. As you were.
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      • Paul Gannon
        Jem Roberts even as someone who enjoys the comfort of the first Die Hard, it's the fact it was the antidote to the Stallone/Arnie stuff makes it less "big bangs for tiny willies"... Whereas Love Actually is a film that grows thoroughly more distasteful… 
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    • Simon Hall
      I love this film, and it still makes me cry. It’s the first film I watch when I start getting Christmassy.
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    • Dan Evans
      This film does little for me but neither do lazy take downs like this article. I think it lives or dies by the quality of the shorts that compose it… and the kris Marshall one just fuckin appalling! But to criticise it for being schmaltzy etc seems daft
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    • Lee Wells
      Well if you play Die Hard directly after Love Actually, then Alan Rickman gets his comeuppance.
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      • Lee Wells
        Mind you, there’s random boobs in that one too, mind…
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    • May be a Twitter screenshot of 2 people and text that says 'Angela Bishop @AngelaBishop Christmas movie tip. If you watch Die Hard straight after Love Actually, Alan Rickman will be punished for what he did to Emma Thompson.'
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      • Lee Wells
        i had no idea it was a thing. Been saying it for years. Mind you, Robin Hood - Prince of thieves works equally well to punish a womanising cad. But less Christmassy.
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    • Hans Jenssen
      One of the most horribly awful films I have actually wasted a small chunk of my life on. I should have given up on Richard Curtis after Notting Hill, which was nearly as bad.
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    • Garry Andrew Mullen
      It's an interesting perspective, but, I think men don't like this film in general because (rightly so) it doesn't show men in a positive light. The men are not the main feature here and if you watch the film thinking they are, you miss the point entire… 
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      • Kev Sutherland
        I was going to point out that all the women's lines sound like they've been written for Dawn French, putting on a different cartoon version of herself.
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      • Garry Andrew Mullen
        Kev Sutherland and that would fit. It's all very Dibley esque actually. Same writer though and he is a bit of a one trick pony really.
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    • Jem Jenkins Jones
      🤣🤣🤣 I just have Being John Malkcovich but with Hugh Grant in my head now. Have to admit though.. I do like the film sorry
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    • Marc Blake
      Never got through it without 🤮
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    • Adam Blaize
      Why can't people just enjoy the film without looking for an angle or a deeper meaning? It's not trying to be political or reinvent the wheel. It's just a bit of fun, that's it.
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    • Susan Fox
      Really don’t get the appeal of this film at all. Saw it at the cinema when it first came out …. Never bothered again.
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    • Reece Morris Jones
      I can see the appeal of the film. But it always puzzles me that folks saw it as a festive film.
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    • Dave Wynn
      I bloody hate this awful film with a passion, but my partner loves it! It’s so weird.
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    • Rocio Cano
      Hated it when it came out. The Kris Marshall, Colin Firth and Hugh Grant stories were cliché and cringeworthy. The Keira Knightley, Andrew thingy and Chiwetel Ejioffor love triangle (apart from how offensive to waste Chiwetel in a bit part) turned my s… 
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