Saturday, 28 March 2020

Miley Cyrus - unperformed song by the Socks

A week in a pandemic is a long time, so 20 days is an eternity. Which makes this song, that I wrote for the Scottish Falsetto Socks back on May 8th seem positively antiquated. Sung in the style of Chas And Dave, to a tune of my own (not dissimilar to When I'm Cleaning Windows if that helps you imagine it) it's called MILEY CYRUS.

MILEY CYRUS – Chas & Dave Socks

I fancy a giggle and I’m tired of the pub
So me and my old Chinas we’ve gone down the comedy club
Everybody’s happy, they’re laughing and they’re smiley
Then I open up my gob and now I’ve caught a case of Miley

Miley Cyrus, Miley Cyrus
The dis-ease they talk a-bout on the wireless
It makes people panic buy hand sanitisers
It’s a pathogen, I say it again, and they call it Miley Cyrus

I called NHS Hotline, they said it’s Covid 19
I said what can I do? They said you can self quarantine
It is highly infectious, so to stop it being passed
You wash your hands for 30 seconds, I could not be arsed

Miley Cyrus, Miley Cyrus
You can’t see it with your bare eye through your iris
So sneeze into a tissue or papyrus
And you’ll lower the rate
We propogate that thing called Miley Cyrus

These days being a Dr is a horrifying job
Because of folks who’ve got this lurgi floating in their flob
I asked my Doctor “Doctor” what’s the worst thing I could do
He said use a microphone in a comedy club that a dozen other people have used

Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus
If we get a dose then surely it will tire us
But if we are immune it won’t expire us
So thank god we
Make antibodies
That can fight the Miley Cyrus

If you want to save us, just carry a hankie
Then when you need to, sneeze in that, and everyone will thank ‘ee
To stop the virus spreading, just get in the habit
Exhale towards a handkerchief and grabbit grabbit grabbit grabbit
Yap yap / bunny jabber / grabbit

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